Principles of Brotherhood
by Adamante
Summary: To Dirk, Ivan had always been a guardian, a protector, a caretaker and someone that he could go to for guidance and comfort. That only applied for when he was a kid, though, because now he didn't need anything of those things. What he needed was for them be on equal terms - he needed an older brother, not a surrogate parent.


**Thought I'd do a little sibling piece on Dirk and Ivan. While playing **_**Grand Bazaar**_**, I thought Ivan's devotion to taking care of Dirk was very endearing. They were my two favorite characters in the game (arguably, the only two characters other than Antoinette that I actually **_**liked **_**and felt attached to).**

**This is totally from Dirk's perspective, though. In the game, you see how Ivan feels about taking care of Dirk through his heart events, but you never really see how Dirk feels about their relationship. So, I tried to convey that here.**

**Read on, wonderful readers!**

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Dirk didn't remember much from his childhood – only the vague sense that he had been sad and alone.

Which, considering what happened to his parents, made some sort of sense. But why would he feel alone if he had his brother taking care of him?

In the few memories Dirk had retained from childhood, Ivan had always been there watching over him. After their parents' death, Ivan would often smile and comfort Dirk as he cried, telling him that their parents were in a better place and that they would all meet again someday.

"_Shh. Don't cry, it's okay." An eight year old Ivan murmured as he rubbed his four year old brother's back. "Mommy and Daddy are alright. They're not here anymore, but they're alright. We'll see them again someday, you'll see."_

Dirk had always appreciated it when Ivan comforted him like that and he loved him all the more for it. But sometimes, Dirk couldn't help but wonder… would Ivan cry too, back then? He was still young when their parents died, so Ivan must have felt as sad as Dirk, if not more, considering he had known them for longer.

But if he was sad, he never showed it despite being so young. That's just how reliable he was.

Due to the fact he had no mother or father to learn from and latch onto, Dirk would always look to Ivan for guidance. Actually, he sought out Ivan for _everything_. When he wanted to play a game, he went to Ivan; if he wanted to be read to, he went to Ivan; if he wanted something to eat, he went to Ivan.

And just like that, Ivan had not only been his older brother, but had also become a surrogate father and mother to Dirk (as disturbing as that sounded).

In his eyes, Ivan was capable of doing anything. He was just this _amazing_ person that Dirk loved and cherished and wanted to keep all for himself. He knew it was selfish, yeah, but he was a kid back then so what could you do?

Ivan was so smart, and kind, and strong, too. Dirk had admired – almost _worshipped_ – him as a child and strived to be like him. Although, being like Ivan and being accepted by him did not go hand-in-hand.

Dirk would often try to read the books in his father's study, trying to get to the level of intelligence Ivan had been on. All that succeeded in doing, though, was giving Dirk a headache because he had no idea _what_ he was reading (and he still barely understood when Ivan explained them to him later). He tried to be polite and reserved like Ivan, too, but he was too jittery and sitting still for too long did not suit him at all (he also found that he hated quiet atmospheres, often talking to fill the awkward silences).

"_You don't need to worry, Dirk." Ivan would say, usually after one of Dirk's failed attempts at being more like an adult. "I'm the oldest, so you don't have to worry about any of this. You're still young, so why don't you go play outside with the other children?"_

And Dirk, as unsuspecting as he was, would grin and run outside, only to realize that there was no one to play _with_. That was supposed to be his_ brother's_ job, although he hadn't realized it at the time.

Another thing about his brother was that, unlike him, Ivan was never really fazed by anything. He always shook off everything with a polite smile or a well placed laugh. And, while those smiles and laughs may have comforted Dirk when he was ten, they did the exact opposite now that he was older. Now, they usually meant that Ivan was avoiding or hiding something.

But despite all that, Ivan did love Dirk – that much he knew – but he also knew Ivan had never really considered him his equal. When Dirk would try to cook, or when he would try to read father's books, or when he would try to help with the housework… Ivan did nothing but laugh that uncomfortable laugh of his and politely tell Dirk that, no, that wasn't what he should be doing. What he _should_ be doing was playing games outside with the friends that he didn't have.

Dirk gradually grew frustrated because Ivan had always written him off like… like a _kid_! Like a child that didn't know any better and had no business trying to act like an adult – never mind the fact that Ivan was doing the exact same thing. And like he said before, not only had Ivan become his new parent…

He had also adopted the mindset of one.

All those attempts at being like Ivan – helping Ivan – had been done in vain because no matter what he did, Ivan would never take it seriously and he would never really _care_, either. All he _cared _about was raising Dirk – raising him to be an upstanding adult in place of his parents.

So, once Dirk had realized that, he stopped. Stopped trying to be like Ivan because, really, what was the point? No matter what he did, Ivan would always see him as the little brother that couldn't do anything on his own, the brother that needed protection, love, and care.

If Ivan didn't care about a Dirk that was independent and _could_ do things on his own, then he would become the very thing that Ivan thought of him as – a child. Even though he was seventeen, on the threshold of adulthood, he would be a "child".

That was the reason why he played everyday, catching bugs and pulling pranks with Kevin (who looked up to Dirk as his own older brother, ironically) while the other people his age were _doing_ something with their lives. They were finding love, getting jobs… finding what they wanted to do with their lives. Dirk, on the other hand, was still trying to live a childhood that had ended long ago.

And eventually, Dirk began to feel guilty. He was still living his childhood while everyone was growing and owning up to their responsibilities. He also felt guilty about Ivan, too. All his brother wanted to do was raise him well enough so that he would be able to accept adulthood, not reject it because of some defiant wish to gain his brother's love and acceptance.

That was why he got a part time job at the café, to feel some sense of having grown up. And maybe, _maybe_ he could delude himself into thinking his paycheck was helping to pay the bills. Although, he knew that wasn't true because Ivan never wanted to accept his money – or his help, for that matter.

As much as he loved his brother, Dirk couldn't help but think that something was wrong with him. Why didn't he talk to Dirk, why didn't he treat him like an equal or come to him for help? That was what siblings did, wasn't it?

Of course it was. It had to be.

Dirk would often feel jealously when he saw the twin sisters, Cindy and Lauren, playing together every other day. When they weren't being taught by Ivan (big surprise there, he wondered if Ivan was going to try to raise_ them_ next), they would be outside playing, always walking in a line as they laughed together and played their little makeshift games.

They may have not been brothers, and they may have been closer in age than him and Ivan, but the principle was still the same.

Siblings were equals.

Why was it so hard for Ivan to realize that?

Unfortunately, he found it difficult to find the answer.

As time passed, Dirk spent less time worrying about Ivan's doting nature and spent more time concentrating on his own life. Sure, he still played with Kevin from time-to-time and he did catch bugs for his collection (and Kevin's pranks), but he also started spending more time with the other people his age. Soon, he found that he enjoyed talking about random things with Sherry and making light-hearted bets with Angelo – he even had fun trying to get the local ice queen Antoinette to open up.

When he was with his friends, he found it easier to forget his own troubles and worries. He and Ivan lived as they usually did, Dirk being mischievous and Ivan being the reasonable parent figure.

Dirk would be lying if he said Ivan's appraising and reprimanding glances didn't hurt him. But he opted to ignore the pain and go on about his life.

And when he thought he would finally be able to accept Ivan for who he was, Ivan had suddenly brought back all the pain and sadness that Dirk had been holding in with just one question.

"_Dirk, are you helping Kevin with his pranks?" Ivan asked one day before dinner. It was Dirk's turn to cook (which surprisingly, Ivan let him do after he got a job at the café) and he had looked from the food to his brother, a grin on his face._

"_What? Don't be silly, Ivan, I wouldn't do that…"_

"_Don't lie to me." He cut in effortlessly. "I can see it in your eyes, Dirk. You're lying." He frowned disapprovingly, his eyes filled with sadness. It pained Dirk to look at him when he was like this. He had looked so… so __**disappointed **__that Dirk couldn't help but feel guilty._

"_I thought that you, at least, would know better than that." Ivan continued, the look in his eyes unchanging. "Dirk, I… I thought I raised you better than this. Don't you know it's not good to play tricks on others? I can expect as much from Kevin, but considering how old you are… you should be above such childish acts."_

_And that's when he was reminded of how Ivan never accepted him as an equal. He acted so condescending and Dirk knew that he didn't mean to come off that way, but he did. Even after all these years, Ivan still treated him like a child, scolding him like he was some stupid kid._

_He couldn't take it anymore._

"_And what? What are you supposed to be, Ivan? My dad? If you haven't noticed, he died a long time ago." It hurt Dirk to say such things, but at the moment he had no control of what was coming out of his mouth. "Mom's gone, too, I hope you know. Our parents are gone and there's nothing we can do about it. Taking their place won't help things get better, Ivan. It just won't!"_

_And before his older brother could reply, Dirk stormed out of the house. He tried so hard to ignore the look of hurt and confusion Ivan gave him as he left._

_But… his mind kept drifting back to it._

Ever since then, Dirk had not talked much with his brother. They exchanged glances from time to time, and still lived under the same roof, but other than the usual curt nod and exchange of greetings, they had not talked at all, really.

Dirk was not angry at Ivan (okay, maybe he was a little angry) and would have talked to him, or tried to patch things up. But he was too ashamed to do it.

How could he have yelled at his brother like that? How could he have said those cruel, hurtful things? All Ivan wanted was for Dirk to be on the right track and to live a morally just life. And yeah, Dirk didn't blame Ivan for confronting him like that because he_ was_ helping Kevin with his pranks…

It's just that, when Ivan said that he "raised him better than that", Dirk snapped. He was so tired of Ivan thinking of himself as some type of parent. Why couldn't he have been normal? Why couldn't they have a relationship like Cindy and Lauren? Why, even though they were siblings, did they have to be so close to one another, but distant at the same time?

Ivan must have had his own problems to worry about, as well. Dirk had spent so much time wallowing in his own insecurities and worries that he didn't even think to try and see how Ivan felt about things or what he was going through. He didn't understand his brother at all. But whose fault was that?

His or Ivan's?

…It was ridiculous, that even after all these years of living together… Dirk still felt that he knew little to nothing about his own brother.

Sighing, Dirk leaned against the railing of the bridge, staring at his reflection in the river. Today was an overcast day, so everything had a gloomier, more depressing look to it – an atmosphere that fit his current mood well, he thought. Although, the wind was blowing as always, powering the large windmill that loomed over him.

Ever since his disagreement with Ivan, Dirk had felt too ashamed and guilty to even deal with his other friends. He just didn't have it in him to talk with Sherry, or joke with Angelo, or even tease Antoinette. Ivan had put in him into a real damper mood lately and he didn't like it. He hated feeling sad because - because that just wasn't him!

But did he really have the right to talk to Ivan again? Ivan spent most of his life taking care of Dirk only to what? Get yelled at by the very person he was protecting? Dirk didn't even deserve to look his brother in the eye…

..Ugh! There he was again, pitying himself!

As he shook his head, trying to at least put some semblance of order into it, he heard footsteps come up next to him. Startled, he turned to his left and saw no other than Ivan, of all people, staring at him.

Well, speak (or think, in his case) of the devil and he shall come, right?

…Even though Ivan was _far_ from being a devil. More like an angel, really. Although it sounded pretty strange…

Dirk scowled and cursed inwardly at his tendency to go off topic. Ivan, thinking that Dirk was scowling at _him_, frowned.

"I see you're still angry with me, then." He walked past Dirk. "I, uh, happened to get off work early today so I guess I'll go home and start dinner… don't be late."

Before Ivan could leave, Dirk called out to him. He was not going to let his brother walk away again. He would straighten things out between them and everything would be alright. Hopefully.

"Ah… no! No, it's not you, I just… I was just thinking about something and, uh – anyway! Forget about that, I want to talk to you."

Ivan turned to him with his eyebrows raised, looking as if he was caught off guard by Dirk's sudden outburst. "You're… actually talking to me?"

"Of course I am!" Dirk replied, putting on a grin. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Well, it's just that… we haven't been talking for a while… ever since, well, you know." Ivan seemed almost uncomfortable, looking at the river as he talked. "And I don't blame you for it, either, I was completely out of line and—"

"Stop that." Dirk interrupted, his grin dissipating into an apologetic frown. He hated it when he began to pity himself… he didn't want Ivan doing it too. "I don't want you blaming yourself – it was my fault, anyway. I _was_ helping Kevin with his pranks and I just got mad for no reason… maybe I am nothing but a stupid kid."

Ivan shook his head, finally deciding to look at Dirk. "No, I was wrong. I… I've been hurting you all these years, haven't I?"

"…What?" Dirk said in disbelief. How could he have even known that? "Of… of course not! You've done nothing but take care of me, and—"

"And that's what's been hurting you, right?" Ivan said slowly. "You didn't like the fact that I acted more like a parent than a brother."

"Well, uh…" If he already knew, then there was no point in hiding it. "Uh… y-yeah… but! But, I didn't hate you for it or anything! It just… confused me –"

"And hurt you. If that's how you were feeling, why didn't you tell me?" Ivan walked closer to him and touched his shoulder reassuringly. "I would have done something about it. You didn't have to suffer on your own… that's what families are for. They are there to help you, Dirk."

Dirk laughed. How ironic was that? Ivan was scolding him for hiding his feelings, yet _he_ was doing the exact same thing. "…And what about you, Ivan? There are a lot of things you keep from me, I'm sure."

"What—"

"Tell me. How does it feel like, being eight years old with no parents?" Before Ivan could respond, Dirk continued. "How does it feel… having to take care of your four year old brother with no one helping you? Having to take care of a child when you're still a child yourself?"

"This… this isn't about me." Ivan said darkly. He let go of Dirk's shoulder and turned away from him and towards the river. Dirk could see that his jaw was rigid, a sign that he was scowling. "I thought we were talking about you."

"Yes, we are. And you too – this has to do with both of us." Dirk grabbed his brother's shoulders, causing Ivan to look back at him. "I can't be selfish. I know I wasn't the only one hurting, you had to be too. Actually, I'm pretty sure I had it _easier_ than you. So please, let me know so I can make you feel better for once."

"…What's there to feel better about?" He looked to the ground, not able to look his younger brother in the eye. "I loved taking care of you. There was _nothing_ bad about it. I had fun… watching you grow up."

"Don't lie, Ivan." Dirk said, repeating Ivan's previous words. "Not to me. You never got to play with the other kids, right? You never did because you were too busy 'watching' over me."

Ivan shook his head, still looking to the ground. "How… how do you know all this? You… weren't supposed to know..." He sighed, seeming to finally give in. "It's… true. I never got to do much as a child, but I don't want you to think I hate you, Dirk… it's not your fault. None of it is."

"I know." Dirk smiled, although Ivan couldn't see it. "You never had a childhood because you were too busy being an adult, and I never wanted to let go of childhood because I thought that was how you wanted me to be."

To Dirk's surprise, Ivan laughed at that. "I guess… for a pair of brothers… we're a little messed up, aren't we?"

Dirk could do nothing but grin, patting his brother's shoulders for emphasis. "Yup! So, I guess we're stuck with each other, huh?"

Ivan finally looked back up at his brother's face, smiling as he did so. Dirk was relieved to see that it was one of Ivan's genuine smiles instead of his creepy polite ones.

"Yeah, always."

"So hey, since we understand each other better now, does that mean you'll let me help out with paying the bills?"

Ivan nodded. "Yes, of course. If that's what you want."

"…And I can do what I want without you scolding me like an overprotective mother?" He gave a puppy dog look, making Ivan chuckle.

"Yes, yes… as long as you do the right things."

Dirk grinned. "Of course, bro!"

He smiled warmly, shaking his head in amusement. "Alright. Well then, let's get home."

As they walked side by side, chatting aimlessly and laughing together, Dirk felt a sense of accomplishment. It would take a while for them to fall into the sibling mold, sure, but Dirk knew that it wouldn't be too difficult for them.

As long as he was on equal terms with his brother, he was satisfied.

"Hey, Ivan." As soon as he saw he had his brother's attention, he grinned. "How about I take you out to catch bugs with me one of these days?"

He expected Ivan to smile, laugh, and politely decline his offer – things he usually did when he wanted to avoid something or wasn't too interested. Instead, an uncharacteristic smirk appeared on his brother's face.

"Only if you come and listen to my lessons."

"No, not that…" Dirk whined. "I hate school work and anything related to it."

"Well then, I'm afraid I'll have to politely decline your offer." He said coolly. "Maybe another time, though."

"…You think you're clever, don't you?" Dirk laughed, putting an arm around Ivan's shoulders. "That was just some weird, roundabout way of saying 'no'!"

"Well, I do things differently." Ivan retorted, chuckling himself. "I'm sure you understand."

"Yeah," The younger boy rolled his eyes. "better than anyone."

It was weird, being this friendly and close with his older brother. And yeah, it may have been a little awkward, and they may not have known what to say to each other at times, but Dirk was content.

There was no point in concentrating on the little details, anyway. He had a _brother _again, and that's all that mattered.

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**So, there it is. I hope it wasn't too bad. I was just in the mood for some sibling love~**

**Well, later!**


End file.
